This past weekend I spent time with some of the world’s most beautiful women—birthmothers. We gathered together at the BirthMom Buds Retreat in Charlotte, NC to have a weekend of sharing, laughter, tears, and encouragement. I was so honored to be among such lovely and selfless women, who like me did what parents do—the best for their child.
I had the privilege of speaking at the retreat and here is a bit of what I shared:
“For so long, I felt like I had failed at loving him. On the contrary, I have found that my love for him is so sure, that I can have times of silence, where I’m not thinking about him, and not feel bad.
It reminds me of being in a room with my husband. We can sit in a room together quietly for hours doing our own thing. My lack of communication in those moments are not equivalent to lack of love, but a security in our love. I know I love my husband, and he knows I love him. The silence between us does not negate that love.
It’s the same way for me with Dylan. He is always with me. He will always be mine. And I can continue on with confidence in my love for him and the choice I made for him.
With that revelation and my new heart, something remarkable happened to me. Joy. Grief moved over and made way for joy. You see, when I was in that grief cycle, all I could think of was my loss and how much I missed him. Do you hear it? My loss. How much I missed him. Now, don’t get me wrong—recognizing my grief, recognizing your grief, is essential. You have to do. You have to look it straight in the face and acknowledge it. But once you do that and time moves on, the grief will begin to wane and move over, making room for joy. It’s then, in those stretches of time between your moments of grief that you can celebrate—celebrate life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. You can own that joy, you can move forward knowing that you loved well, and you can be truly, deeply happy without feeling guilty.”
This is my heart for those wonderful women. That they would feel the freedom that comes with giving in to the joy and celebration of LIFE.