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Revealing You // Delivered

November, and the Beginning

November 1, 2015 by Michelle

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and this year, I want to encourage you to begin with the beginning. Birthmoms.

Who are these women, the first moms? What types of women are they? What are their motivations? How do they survive after placement?

I’ve been doing my own research, and I have a crying headache from reading story after story of women who have placed their children for adoption. They are grieving. They are longing. They are desperate to connect.

We don’t put those women on posters. We don’t parade them around in November each year. National Adoption Awareness Month, traditionally, is not for birthmothers. It is for children who need to be placed in a home because they have no other options. But if November and National Adoption Awareness Month is not for birthmothers, then when is the time to educate people?

The time is now. The time is always now.

Because I work professionally in adoption, I am always ready to educate people about adoption. If you hear a woman tell her story about placing her child for adoption and she says she made the greatest choice and didn’t have any trouble what-so-ever and she is happy about it all the time…SHE IS LYING, or worse, not free enough to express what she feels at her core.

I have never met a birthmother who has a squeaky clean story with no regret or questions or sadness. Not even one.

Perhaps you think that is only in domestic infant adoption. You are wrong. I have known women who have lost children to the State because of their choices, and those women grieve. I bet you a million dollars that the women outside this country who place their children grieve for them as well.

With National Adoption Awareness Month now here, I just want to encourage you all to reach out to a birthmom. Full disclosure: Most of us don’t like this month. It’s like the American Indians on Thanksgiving. We aren’t very thankful or celebratory. Perhaps that is because some of you are uneducated about birthmoms? You may have innocently picked up a stigma or idea about women who choose to place their child for adoption, or maybe you have had one or two experiences with birthparents. Please, whether your encounter with birthparents has been good or bad, don’t make judgements on one experience. You are probably, on some level, wrong, which is okay. You don’t have to stay there.

Reach out to a birthmom and ask her to tell you her story. A birthmom loves and misses her child. She is most likely grieving and longing and desperate to connect, and she is solid. That’s my word for birthmoms. Solid. They are solid. Nothing can shake their love for their child. I wrote to a birthmom the other day that the magnitude of her grief mirrors the magnitude of her love. Believe it, friends.

Honor these women by asking them about their experience. If they don’t want to tell you, they won’t, but my guess is that they want to share. Love birthmoms well this month by acknowledging that the joy of the adoptive family began with with pain of a birthmother’s loss.

This year, let’s become more aware during National Adoption Awareness Month. Let’s begin at the beginning and recognize the women who have made this possible, who chose life. Birthmoms.

4 Responses to “November, and the Beginning”

  1. Nichole Costner says:

    I am a birth mom. Sounds so non consequencal when I say that. Like yeah I gave birth however, that day was so much more than that. Her birthday and the days before. Some people don’t dare to ask me about her and that’s ok but the ones that ask…. I feel a sense of pride swell up in me to speak about her…. Like she existed. Some days I’m sure people forget that she was with me for so long before she went home. I chose, God chose, loving parents for her. It doesn’t make me miss a smile a giggle or a cry. Each time I get to see her for that small amount of time, I feel blessed and then a little empty when I leave. My decision wasn’t an overnight sporadic decision… It was thought about prayed about cried over… And that whole pro/con list was less than useless. I don’t regret my decision especially when I see her in a picture. She is happy and I helped 2 people become a family. In the end her happiness and completeness is what allows me to sleep at night. Thank you for asking about her. I love to tell her story.

    • Michelle says:

      Thank you for sharing with me. I do love to hear birthmom stories, and I agree with you, before I started writing I sensed others’ discomfort with the subject. But when they did ask me about my story, I was excited and proud to tell about him.
      I think the best thing about our stories are that they aren’t done yet. Your story will continue to evolve. I hope you continue to share it!
      Much love,

  2. Sandy Musser says:

    Thanks so much for this excellent article. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated it. November was Also the month I was sent to prison 22 years ago. But it seems like yesterday. Like my daughter’s birth and the loss, it’s relived on a regular basis. Looking forward to reading your story. Sandy

    • Michelle says:

      Thank you, Sandy!
      Do you have contact with your daughter? Twenty-two years is a long time. I see that you have a website and are an adoption activist. I look forward to reading more about you too 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed the article, and I hope you enjoy reading my story <3
      Much love,

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Delivered, My Harrowing Journey as a Birthmother Revealing You, A Journal for Birthmothers


My Harrowing Journey as a Birthmother

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A Journal for Birthmothers

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