It’s been ugly around here the past three years. If you follow this blog, you know I have not written much in a while. I’ve been listening and grieving and questioning and surviving. As I said, it’s been ugly.
Out of the trudging in the mud that has been my life since I lost my mom and moved to China in the same two weeks has come a few points of awareness.
1. I need to listen more to those who have different experiences than I do.
2. I need to read more diverse literature.
3. I need to surround myself with people who think differently than I do.
When you’re in survival mode, you don’t look around for diversity, you look for familiarity. When I first placed my son for adoption, I spent a long time trying to connect with birthmoms. I needed to know I was not alone. Now, I live in a country with arguably more birthmoms than anywhere else in the world, and I am only in contact with one other birthmom here that I know of, which may sound lonely but it’s fine. While our uncanny connection bonds us, I don’t need that connection as I did before. I love it, but I don’t rely on it. I’m comfortable enough with my story and in my own skin to be the only one talking about my adoption story openly.
These days, I’m searching for diversity. In my desperate longing to help women who have placed a child for adoption, I am gaining perspective. I am listening to adoptees. I am listening to adoptive parents. I am listening to social workers. I am listening.
In listening, I am learning.
I am learning about what it means to be humble in the adoption relationship. I am learning about what heals and what hurts. I am learning about grief and anger and forgiveness and connection. I am learning that re-connection is not a thing. There is only connection. It exists despite what we see or do on all sides.
All of this is driving me to a new place in my post-placement support for women. My desire to help is still a roaring fire, but the wind has changed direction. I’m spreading out, changing my approach, and hopefully, going to be able to better meet the needs of those who need it.
I am excited to tell you there are things in the works coming at you all!
1. Written a second journal. Being You: A Journal for Birthmoms is available on Amazon.
2. Created an organizational system for prospective adoptive parents. Think life planner for the adoption process.
1. Creating a curriculum for post-placement support groups/one-on-one counseling sessions to help those who facilitate these important meetings.
2. Writing a fiction novel where the lead character is a birthmom in a post-placement relationship with her daughter. The story gives an accurate portrayal of what it (might be) like to be a birthmom. It won’t be all-inclusive, but it will bring awareness.
I hope you are excited to continue journeying with me. I’ve been doing this post-placement support thing for many years now, and it’s just getting better. Much love to you all!