To see a video clip of Michelle reading from her book, visit the video page and view “The Love Before the Performance.”
After having Baby Dylan in March, I thought I would just leave Mercy soon after. For me, Baby Dylan had always seemed to be the reason I was there. Now he was gone. It seemed only natural to me that I should leave too, but the ministry wouldn’t be much of a ministry if it let me walk out the door while I was still broken.
And I was.
I was broken-hearted from losing Baby Dylan. I had a lot of grieving to do once it was all said and done. I think the finality of it shocked me the most. I was prepared for what was going to happen, but I wasn’t prepared for it being done. Finished. Over.
I was left with an empty belly and empty arms. There was an unmistakable void in my life. My arms would ache, much like a phantom pain experienced by an amputee. It was so real and so painful. I had an insatiable itch, making me crazy with the longing to scratch it away. I wanted my baby, and I was thankful that I no longer had that choice. If I had waited any longer, I wouldn’t have made it.
from Revealing You
This is the part where you see that your need is not met in your child, but in God. Sometimes I think we birthmothers confuse our loss with our need to be loved. We place the burden of filling a hole in our hearts on a child given to us and given by us. We may even think that if we had them back it would make all the difference. My friends, I don’t want you to believe this lie. I don’t want you stuck in your grief. I don’t want you to idolize your child. Jesus, God, the hope found in Him–that is Who is meant to fill the hole in your heart.
The loss of your child through adoption is not the only loss you have. There are many others. The loss of the ideal pregnancy. The loss of parenting. The loss of perception (i.e. you’re not who or where you thought you were). Maybe the loss of relationships. The loss of identity as your child’s only mother. The list can go on and on.
So, when suffering comes, go to the Lord with the wound in your chest. Let Him clean it, fill it and heal it. What does that look like? It can be as simple as this.
*deep breath* “God, it hurts.”
That one moment of vulnerability takes you to your Source and it reveals you. The rest is up to Him.
Getting real is better than getting better. I pray you are real every season of suffering, so you can know real hope.
from Mine, Yours & Ours
This, all of this so far and all of this after, is why these women need to be served. You can, perhaps, see it now. This woman, who loves and has chosen love and life for her child, is before you struggling to make it through the meeting, the pregnancy, this life. The woman before you represents something you can recognize. Something you know. Whether it is depravity, crisis, love, tenacity, or any other number of things that you relate to, grab it and relate to it. Let her know you can relate to her and she can relate to you, as she is.
Part of loving these women will be honesty. As I mentioned, she may think you have it all together. You probably do not feel the same way. You have some things together, but the more you know Jesus the more you realize your need for Him. You know what I mean?
Let me just free you a bit. You do not have to have it all together to adopt a child. Truthfully, you won’t have it all together, and being honest about who you are can help these women relate to you. That level of intimacy creates connection, creates belonging, and with the right person (and you want the right person) it will create love.